thinking of writing a 'how to adult' book to explain all the day-to-day shit that's never taught:
- who cleans the toilet cleaner (spoiler: you)
- what the fuck do you do with an old mattress
- bugs: when are they a problem and when are they chill?
- lifehack: a co-working space with a better movie selection than netflix, no membership fee, and professional researchers on location, all for FREE (a millennial re-discovers libraries)
- turning strangers into friends
any other ideas people have?
@paranoid "how taxes work because your friends don't know and your family kept you in the dark"
@paranoid related to the last - how do I food in general
- wtf are taxes
- even if it's not a checkbook anymore, you still need to keep some sort of eye on your expenses
- what do I do in the evening besides Netflix and mastodon
- knife sharpening
Knife sharpening! I just learned that. Do worth it and I was always worried I'd "mess up my knife" the lesson learned is you're not going to make a dull knife MORE shitty. You're already at rock bottle, only place to go is up
@paranoid and it doesn't have to be fancy! Just how to use a steel. If folks are interested in hone stones, there's a wealth of info online.
Another addition - why do a lot of people have little squeegees in the shower?
And - simple tips to make dish washing less onerous.
@paranoid what are the benefits of becoming a regular?
@communeva there are many and it really depends on the place (a regular at a cafe, bookstore, music venue, park, etc)
sometimes it is material (i get my first coffee free), but the most important thing is all of the other regulars and staff become "familiar strangers", which is the first step in making new friends, helps you begin to feel at home in a place, and decreases the atomization/loneliness/isolation/etc that seems to be designed into (at least in the U.S.) cities
@paranoid that's true! I will consider that in the future.
@communeva @paranoid One way to speed up becoming a regular: ask service staff how THEY'RE doing and listen. This is such a small thing, but it's shockingly rare. Showing someone that you see their humanity encourages them to see yours and that's sort of the center of being a regular: You and the other people there see each other as full people.
So true, but don't force it. If they say "good" and give you a please-go-away look, then maybe they are busy/tired/sick/etc
It will be obvious when they want to get into a real convo (ok, maybe neurotypically obvious(dunno if that's how to say what I mean)
I would need to figure out more concrete social cues for people who have a harder time with that stuff before I was comfortable recommending it)
My heuristic is that if they give a brief or canned response, that's fine and you should move on and order. If you see them a few times and do this, maybe their behavior will change.
Also, you can sometimes cue people that you'd be open to hearing a deeper answer to the question by going beyond "fine" or whatever when they ask (and waitstaff in particular almost always ask, IME). Don't go into detail, but maybe, "Been a long day, but it's winding down," or something.
@paranoid the empty fridge!! 🤣
- getting places when you can't drive: people did it for thousands of years, you can too
- yes you can cook for yourself and no it doesn't take any significant amount of time or skill
- fuck gyms, here's some exercises you can do at home away from judging eyes
- no one really knows what flirting is but here's some things that definitely arent
@Dayglochainsaw "no one really knows what flirting is but here's some things that definitely arent"
YES! so good
- wash your dang dishes as/just after you cook; your food is fine resting for three minutes
- where to get quality stuff for non-Target/Amazon prices (supply stores)
- buy these seven tools AND a toolbox/bucket
- opening a bank account—at a credit union
- you can change your oil and put on a spare, actually
- getting new copies of your IDs (though it'd have to be real general)
- if you have storage for all your stuff (even if it's shoeboxes), you're more likely to put it away
- buy some frames for all that stuff on your wall
and having *transparent* storage boxes, makes it a lot easier to see at a glance what's actually in the box, rather than having to label it.
Also, if you have paperwork, file it away properly, rather than having it lying around.
My dad used to put paperwork in various plastic bags, or spread over tables, and then get upset when someone eventually moved them because they were piling up and getting in the way. It would drive me potty...
I was lucky and my dad actually taught me the dish one! But I totally notice friends doing that and I'm like, no wonder you hate cooking
The Amazon/Target thing is something I'm learning right now, it's in the "buying cheap stuff is expensive" category
Tools for sure, and the oil thing blows my mind. DON'T PAY FOR SOMETHING SO SO SIMPLE (though, how to dispose of oil is something I was definitely never taught)
- how to file basic taxes
- how to scope out an apt complex and find out if it's a good place to rent
- how to cook basic meals and save tons of $ / be healthier doing it
The apartment 😂😂 my first apartment I remember flipping on the sink and being like, "yup, there's water. Guess I'll take it"
It was next to a fire station 😆
@paranoid ha!! I've done that. I also used to live somewhere with a ton of sulfur in the water. You'd come out of the shower smelling like rotten eggs
@paranoid first aid, when do i need a bandaid and some antseptic, when do i need a dr or hospital
@tqft oh! You're literally raised to NEVER CALL 911 IT'S ONLY FOR EMERGENCIES
and then spend the rest of your life like that butterfly meme: is this an emergency?
@paranoid basic household stuff like don't leave your laundry in the washer or it will stink, how to fix things like clogged sink or holes in clothes, stains, what tools do I need at home. Social stuff like how does a relationship survive conflict. Self care like please use sunscreen and moisturize, how do I know if I'm depressed or just in a bad mood, how to prioritize
@paranoid also: dear millennial, you probably won't be able to afford the life your parents have, it's not your fault.
I would personally very much like to include some sex ed: porn is not real, sex can be awkward and messy and funny and amazing but it should be about pleasure, not performance. Everyone has more fun if she comes first.
Oh and in general: talk to people about things you find hard. Don't be embarrassed. No one has it all figured out.
@communeva that last point is probably the most important thing to realize. If you have an idea of how long it takes to learn how to just live, you realize that everyone kinda knows just as much as you (which can be scary because you realize that someone with access to nukes is probably less knowledgeable than you and you wouldn't trust yourself with nukes let alone someone like Trump)
@communeva the depression thing is something I'm still figuring out. Having been seriously depressed for several years in the past. Now if I'm feeling bad I'm like, is this the beginning of another depression, or just "normal"
@paranoid yeah I know. That's hard to figure out. And so scary!
It is important to find your personal reference points though so it can get less scary...
- taking care of your clothes (laundry, drying, how not to ruin your delicates or have your dark blue item discolor your white one)
- how to get that writing assignment (or any other medium to large project) done with fewer nervous breakdowns
- what to pay attention to when you rent a place
- what to watch out for in a job
- a list of documents and information you should store somewhere where you'll find them
- how to know if I should get mental health help
- what to do when people you know have nervous breakdowns or psychoses (it's not the end of the world, don't call the cops, don't let them wander about alone, there are meds and phone hotlines for that)
don't know about you, but it happens sometimes in my social circle ;)
@unsuspicious this one is so important. I have told friends, "I know you may be thinking of calling the cops for help, and i know your intentions for X are to help them because you love them, but someone will end up dead if cops show up during a crisis"
even mainstream peeps are starting to give alternatives to cops (a local seattle paper): https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2019/05/28/40327036/what-to-do-if-you-see-someone-in-crisis-but-you-dont-want-to-call-the-cops
I have a whole shelf a books with titles like "mental health emergencies"
could be a whole book in itself
@paranoid i especially need an answer to the mattress question
@thamesynne here's a quick summary:
- depending on where you live, you can schedule a "bulk trash pickup" with the city and they will come and take it
- if you a buying a real expensive mattress for the first time, often the mattress people will have a 'white glove' service that includes taking the old one
- you can give it to a sibling/friend who are moving into their first apartment
- SOME charities will take them, but not very many so you'd be on the phone a lot and might not get anywhere
2 quick ideas may have more later:
> How to thread needles and sew buttons, saves a lot of money vs buying new clothes
> What should you and should you not put in a dishwasher, if you have access to one
@JubalBarca don't put in nice wood cutting boards off the top of my head. both good suggestions
@paranoid this could make a cool zine!
@becky true! have gotten a lot of suggestions so now I am seriously looking at how to collect/organize/research them. all
@paranoid How often to wash/clean things. EG: If you're hot in the summer, have you washed your sheets recently?
@paranoid "the mysteries of the washing machine: how to tame this old, powerful god to get clean laundry every time"
- How come you won't be doing most of the cool shit you dreamt about doing in your property (or, why you do chores on holidays).
@s21 CHORES ON HOLIDAYS 🤣🤣😭
so true, it's like, "ah, finally a day of work to do all that work i've been meaning to do"
@paranoid Oh holy fuck if you haven't been successful with that post!
Sad sad situation: I took holidays at work (voluntarily) to prepare (voluntary) exams. I'm at the public "coworking space" despite having the place for myself. I have ONE day off after exams and before returning to work.
Guess what I'll do???
Shoot me right now (says [15,21]yo me).
@s21 right!? like, shit, guess I am actually (attempting) to write this now
@paranoid I have a few!
- no, seriously, get enough sleep for a month and eat a vegetable sometimes everything will be easier, and other secrets of inhabiting a perishing meatsack
- how to have neighbours without making them hate your noisy habits (spoiler: some of my neighbours really really need to learn this one)
- how to wear clothes for a variety of grown-up situations (it never occurred to me to e.g. dress more conservatively than my baseline to see the GP, for example)
@andrew68k @paranoid I have been advised by a friend who is Good At This to aim closer to "middle-class professional" than "alternative hippie who hates ironing" and it shouldn't make a difference in getting taken seriously, but it does.
If you are a cis man then you probably have a head start in this, to be fair, and can turn up in scruffy jeans.
a private mastadon instance to experiment with